Little John is 5 weeks old. It's really hard to believe that he has been here that long, and yet only that long. When I was pregnant I found many people telling me to "enjoy the pregnancy, it goes by so fast, soon he'll be here and you won't be able to sleep in anymore, you won't be able to have time with just your husband, etc...". Now John is here and he's in the prime of newborn-ness. He is precious and his tiny features blow my mind every time I examine them. The phrase "enjoy this time, it goes by so fast!" keeps repeating itself over and over. Not only from other people literally telling me this, but in my mind. The day to day can be tedious and tiring. I think there's a phrase "the days are long but the years are short". So yes, this is all true. Even at 3 in the morning when he's crying and wants to be walked around for 45 minutes before he even attempts to close his eyes, I try to remember to embrace this time. It's only been 5 weeks and seeing his little shirt he wore in the hospital makes me feel emotional. I already don't want him to grow up. However, I think there is a deeper desire I have, we all have.
There is one thing in common we all have, not just as parents who nostalgically long for the past when thier kids still had tiny fingernails and baby bird's hair, but the entire human race. We all pine for something. If you really think about it, it's simple. It's the reason we do what we do. We tend to live our lives in a constant, steady rush to fulfill and satisfy this longing. Sometimes there are seasons where this need is greater and we feel like we are scrambling around, rushing, going without stopping and sometimes there are seasons where things are slow, quiet and yet even still we are restless. There is a song I hear at church and the lyrics say " I am restless until I rest in You." We are all restless and as we live our lives together there seems to be a constant collision of emotions, actions, thoughts, words and stories about how we all just crave something more, something true and pure. Thankfully Jesus and his sacrifice and gift of eternal life is that thing, it is the only thing. No one seems to have found something other that can compare to this hope we have in Him. In only 27 years I have seen enough attempts by myself and others to know that anything but Him will fail and will disappoint us, leaving us with an even stronger need to satisfy this desire we all have.
And so its been a month with this baby boy. He will grow up and I will do my best to cherish the moments... only because I know I can't fully, and that's okay.
