Plans or No Plans but Second Hand Can

This is kind of a different post than I might usually write. These thoughts have been on my mind for a while and I am finally deciding to sit down and get them down. As many of you might know, little John came along at what most would call an inconvenient time. At the time, we were living in Montana as volunteers, we didn't have jobs and ended up driving across the country to move home and start over. Foolish? Irresponsible? Never. We have trusted God throughout this season more than we have in our entire lives and He has shown nothing but faithfulness. When I look at John and see the joy he brings to our family and any other strangers he flashes his smile to, I can't help but think that we are the foolish ones to think we can plan out our lives as if we are in control.
I do believe in planning. We make plans every day and plans allow society to function. God himself had a great plan and he is in the process of carrying it out. I once heard that "God is more concerned about His will for your life than we are in finding it" and it's true. In the end, if our plans don't work out everything's going to be ok.
   Changing gears. Once we got settled in Virginia and began preparing for John's arrival we learned  about all the baby things that we needed...or thought we needed. According to Babies R'Us and websites such as BabyCenter, you are a terrible mom if you don't have a bottle sterilizer and a wipe warmer. Ironically, most baby items that may be helpful to one baby were not to ours. He hated the swing, he hated the vibrator seat, and he doesn't particularly like being "worn" much either.

Mainly, Johnny just wants to jump.

We do have an old-school "Johnny Jump Up" and it has a semi-girly pattern. John doesn't care about the flowers or that it was used a few times. John cares that it allows him to jump so high it could make a mother sweat. My point in saying this is a) you don't need all the things people tell you you need and b) it's a smart move to buy them second hand. Chances are the baby that used the swing before you only sat in it about 7 times. If you are weirded out by used things then that's ok- you probably won't want to read this list. BUT if you are having a baby, don't mind buying used items and are trying to be wise- check this out. In the end I'd much rather donate the swing back to the thrift store for someone else to use and have lost $10 bucks than spent $60 and find out my child is not a fan.

So here's a list of all the baby items that we own, and do use for the most part, that are not "new", again these are all in great condition. There are great deals out there!

1.Crib- it was given to us free from our church because the sides still have the ability to slide down. Excellent condition. The fix? Take a screwdriver and some screws and stabilize the sides. Done.

2. Johnny Jump up- $8 excellent condition, just a little girly. New- $45-$60.

3. Chico Travel system from 2010- $150 off Craigs List. Half the price of what it costs new. Excellent condition. One owner- a nurse with a 10 month old who outgrew it. Non- smoking home, no accidents, just a baby that grew up. Not even expired (what does that even mean? why do they create car seats that will expire in the first place?)

4.Baby Jogger- free from a preschooler's mom who has no use for it anymore. Good condition, the canvas is a bit worn from the sun but completely functional AND goes on the beach. Oh yeah, free as opposed to $200.

5. Snap N'Go Stroller- A lifesaver. $25 from our church's thrift store. Excellent condition. New is $55 minimum.

6. Bumbo- borrowed from a friend for the small window of time it can be used. Thanks to Carly Funkhouser. Costs $40 new.

7. Clothing- Consignment stores, yard sales and thrift stores. All you have to do is check the butt and the chin area. It's amazing what you can find. For $1 I found a Polo winter sweater that still had the tags on it- $38 new. 

8. Bottle Warmer-$1 from a consignment sale. Good thing I only paid a dollar because I only used it twice. 

9. Bumpers- $8 from the thrift store. Excellent condition. Sailboat pattern from  Pottery Barn. New $70. 

10. Contour changing pad- $1 from the thrift store. It's basically foam with a vinyl covering. All you have to do is buy new covers. The actual changing pad is anywhere from $20 to $40 new....for a piece of foam.

11. Boppy pillow- $5 from the thrift store. There is an endless supply of Boppy's donated these days. All you have to do is check the actual pillow part and look for stains and make sure the pillow is hard and not worn down. I found 2 in excellent condition as well as a few covers. $40 for a new one with one cover. 

12. Changing Table- My brothers old dresser. Repainted it. Free

13. First Years Baby Bath tub- $5 from the thrift store. Looks like it was hardly used. New- $20 to $50 depending on features. 

14. Sealy Crib Mattress- $35 from a consignment sale. Some may be skeptical of a used mattress. Just check the brand, the year and the firmness. I personally don't think an infant can really be heavy enough to make a permanent sink hole in a mattress. New can range anywhere from $70 to $300. 

15. Bassinet- Again, my youngest brother slept in this as a baby. It's a literal basket with a small mattress pad in it. My grandmother used to let her babies sleep in pulled out drawers- they all lived.

16. Chico High Chair- $28 from the thrift store. Excellent condition. Only a couple little stains on the belt. New is $150.

Firsts

    There are many "first times" we experience in life. First day of school, first kiss, etc... Sometimes these things you remember and sometimes you've purposely blocked them out. Whichever it is, there was a moment in time it happened once for the first time. When you have your first child it's like you get to start all over again. You see his first smile, hear his first laugh, smell his diaper after eating bananas for the first time and feel his first tooth pop up.

     One of the most memorable "firsts" for Brenden and I was taking John to the ocean and dipping his little toes in the water. It was almost like a christening or a rite of passage. He will never remember this and he didn't particularly like it either. Early May at the beach is not the best time to immerse yourself in the sea. However, it was a moment in time that we will always remember and the start to many memories to come. If i'm honest,  it feels like most of life is spent wishing for the past or longing for a better future. But once in a while you have those times when you know that the present moment is eternally significant. A moment you'll always look back on and a moment your former self would have wished for in the future. And in that moment all you can do is give thanks. This was one of them.

Reflections

Parenting is really hard to explain to someone who hasn't done it before. I am sure many people with kids told me that this time would be filled with tears of exhaustion and tears of joy. However, you can't know until you know yourself. All of the sudden it's like your eyes are peeled back and you are seeing life in a new way.

I am a fairly introverted person but now when I am out in public and I see a woman pushing a stroller with the infant seat attached, I don't hesitate to speak to her. It's like a code- an acknowledgement of each other and some kind of encouragement to press on through this war zone that you often feel you are in. We both know that it took the better part of the morning to get this kid ready to go out, much less yourself, and you were probably up till 3 a.m the night before crying because you feel like a human feeding station.

Although, it's not all just a war of exhaustion but one of love. I have discovered I have this need to protect, care for, comfort and satisfy this baby. I couldn't love anything more- and it scares me sometimes. It forces me to surrender and acknowledge who is really the parent of this child, the creator of his tiny finger nails and stomach that produces large amounts of gurgles. The artist who chose to give John blue eyes like his dad and reminds me of the ocean in the spring time when the air is warming up but the water still has a winter chill. And the One who had such humor to give him numerous facial expressions that make my own dad giddy with laughter.

I have seen two things happen in my relationship with God. The first is my weakness. I like to be independent, put together and self-sufficient. I don't like my feelings to show and in these last two months I have been forced to leave all pride at the door. Brenden has seen me at my worst and never have I felt so vulnerable. At 2 a.m when you have to call the doctor because the fever your child has feels like life or death and in the mornings when I look like hell, covered in spit up and other bodily juices! My reliance on God is more authentic these days. I have to trust Him when I can not help this crying baby..and yet, I have to trust Him even when I can. There is a misconception that I can do it, I can fix the problem. And when John looks at me and smiles, his whole face lights up. The joy he brings to us is indescribable. It's not something I could muster up on my own. Again, I am weak and helpless. I did nothing to create such a precious life. All is in God's hands.

The second thing I am learning, which might sound cliche, is the way God is our father, a good and perfect parent. As I took John for a walk the other day, I noticed the sun kept getting in his eyes, depending on the direction we went. It was interesting how he tried, even though strapped into his seat, to move his head and turn away from the sun. There was only so much he could do. Ultimately he depended on me to cover him. I moved my body back in forth so that my shadow could cover his face. It made me think of God. We squirm to try to find any sort of comfort on our own. Maybe we are unaware of our need for help or maybe we just don't want to ask. Maybe, we don't feel worthy enough to ask. In John's case, he was unable to ask but I knew what he needed, as my Father knows what I need. And sometimes we might just need to change our direction. But even when we chose to keep going one way, aware or unaware, God is actively moving so that our eyes can stay open to see all that's around us on our walk.

"It goes by so fast..."

Little John is 5 weeks old. It's really hard to believe that he has been here that long, and yet only that long. When I was pregnant I found many people telling me to "enjoy the pregnancy, it goes by so fast, soon he'll be here and you won't be able to sleep in anymore, you won't be able to have time with just your husband, etc...". Now John is here and he's in the prime of newborn-ness. He is precious and his tiny features blow my mind every time I examine them. The phrase "enjoy this time, it goes by so fast!" keeps repeating itself over and over. Not only from other people literally telling me this, but in my mind. The day to day can be tedious and tiring. I think there's a phrase "the days are long but the years are short". So yes, this is all true. Even at 3 in the morning when he's crying and wants to be walked around for 45 minutes before he even attempts to close his eyes, I try to remember to embrace this time. It's only been 5 weeks and seeing his little shirt he wore in the hospital makes me feel emotional. I already don't want him to grow up. However, I think there is a deeper desire I have, we all have.

There is one thing in common we all have, not just as parents who nostalgically long for the past when thier kids still had tiny fingernails and baby bird's hair, but the entire human race. We all pine for something. If you really think about it, it's simple. It's the reason we do what we do. We tend to live our lives in a constant, steady rush to fulfill and satisfy this longing. Sometimes there are seasons where this need is greater and we feel like we are scrambling around, rushing, going without stopping and sometimes there are seasons where things are slow, quiet and yet even still we are restless. There is a song I hear at church and the lyrics say " I am restless until I rest in You." We are all restless and as we live our lives together there seems to be a constant collision of emotions, actions, thoughts, words and stories about how we all just crave something more, something true and pure. Thankfully Jesus and his sacrifice and gift of eternal life is that thing, it is the only thing. No one seems to have found something other that can compare to this hope we have in Him. In only 27 years I have seen enough attempts by myself and others to know that anything but Him will fail and will disappoint us, leaving us with an even stronger need to satisfy this desire we all have.

And so its been a month with this baby boy. He will grow up and I will do my best to cherish the moments... only because I know I can't fully, and that's okay.

Welcome John Shepherd Koenig

Tuesday, January 10, 2012 at 10:32 a.m our son was born, John Shepherd Koenig. He has already met so many friends and family over this past week. It's amazing how in just a moments time you all of the sudden have this other life in yours and you are completely changed. A true miracle he is and we are so thankful that we get to finally know this little guy!

Almost 2012

Merry Christmas card....
Surprise baby shower at the church I work for.
Suzanne Chapuis took some maternity pictures...
My two beautiful cousins on Christmas, Perrin Thompson and Kate Childrey.

Christmas has come and gone and we are now awaiting our baby boy. It has been an exciting season for us but still unbelievable that we've imagined to "settle" so quickly. We started off 2011 in Guatemala, then to Richmond for a month, then back to Montana for 3 months, then to the Outer Banks for a month, and ending up in Richmond in August. Now a baby is coming and he's been with us through it all!

Brenden has been working for a Chevrolet dealership here in Richmond for 5 months now. He is enjoying his job and looking towards the future to gain more experience and knowledge to eventually become a "master mechanic". I have stopped working for the time being with the after-school program and am now trying to stay busy and rest all at the same time while waiting for this baby to come. I think in the last week I have really come to terms with being pregnant and am ready for this baby to be in my arms.

One thing that we are experiencing in this time of anticipation is a deeper level of trust and faith. We are learning to get by on very little, something our time in YWAM has taught us, and to cherish the simple things in life. I can honestly say that there is nothing that compares. The less you have the less you need, and really the less you want. It's a very freeing feeling to learn to trust God in very literal ways on a daily basis. You start to thank God for little things and realize it is actually Him providing constantly instead of assuming we deserve a certain level of comfort. Also we are so grateful for the friends and family that have been there for us in this time. I can't tell you how much it has meant to us to have people remind us that everything will be fine and their excitement for baby K. We are blessed and privileged to be having our son in this time of our lives. We hope he can be part of a bigger story and we look forward to all the new adventures we'll have with him!

Newlywed's New Home

A few weekends ago a dear friend got married and her mom asked that I do a painting of the newlywed's new home. I'd never painted a house before but it turned out to be one of my favorites.

The Allen's House

11x14 oil on canvas

A Nursery for a Studio

Brenden and I have moved into a little apartment in Richmond, VA and are trying to "settle down" a bit after this last year of traveling and transitioning. However, we have decided that the term "settle down" does not mean we have to become boring:) Brenden is working as a lube technician at a Chevrolet dealership and I am working in the afternoons with an after-school program at Gayton Baptist Church. I am also on the substitute list for 2 local preschools, so in the mornings when I am not there I am trying to paint as much as I can.

It has been quite a change from living in a vibrant community of missionaries in the Big Sky country to being back in Richmond. We have loved living by the ocean and in the mountains where life revolves around the weather and the land, where it matters which direction the wind blows and how much snow will cover the roads. Richmond is a different story. However, we are liking it so far and trying to get involved at Hope Church as well as meet some new friends. We are learning daily to trust God with our lives and provision as we move into this next phase of life- jobs, parenthood, etc. We will not forget what He has done and of His faithfulness to us.

We have two bedrooms and for now I am using the baby's room as my art studio. As I work in there I come up with ideas for his room, Christmas gifts and hopefully some more art to sell in the future. I knew I wouldn't want a traditional nursery so instead I decided to cover his room with art and photography. Nothing makes me feel more peaceful than the turquoise sea. Hopefully he'll feel the same?!

"Sailboat at Sea"

24x24 oil on canvas

The beginnings of a nursery....Mom and Dad above the crib. Ha!

"Treasure Cay Walk"

36x48 oil on canvas

Back on the Back Porch

It's been over a month since we last posted. A lot has happened. Brenden and I spent our last week in Montana with our good friends, Suzanne and John, who flew out from D.C.
Despite the unpredictable Montana weather, we still managed to do some day hikes and show them a glimpse of the beauty of Big Sky country. As they prepared to head back east, we prepared to make the 3 day drive back to Richmond to watch my youngest brother John graduate. Then, our plan was to make our way to the beach in search of a new life.


...Oh yeah, how could I forget?

We are having a baby!! Brenden and I found out towards the beginning of May that we were pregnant. Shock and fear filled our minds but we were quickly overwhelmed by extreme excitement-and still are. January 9th 2012 we will welcome Baby Koenig into the world!

Ok so yes, we went to graduation, visited with the Thompson's for a few days then made our way down to the Outer Banks. Long story short- it didn't work out. Despite our initial hope that jobs were abundant in the auto mechanic field, weeks went by and through a chain of events realized that this place was not as promising for a year round job as we hoped for. Brenden had already started working for a Jeep dealership when a week later his boss came to him panicked about his business. He mentioned that he most likely wouldn't have work for him in the fall. After hours of discussion, some prayer and advice from my parents, we decided to move back to Richmond and make a life for ourselves there. We have been through a whirlwind this past year traveling, living in other people's places, moving and transitioning- what's one more move? Not to mention, we decided it was best to deal with the stress of moving and finding jobs now than later when the baby is almost here.

So we are back in Richmond. Brenden found a job at a Chevrolet dealership and he is starting out as a lube technician. The goal is to gain experience, knowledge, and training so he can eventually become a certified technician. He loves it. He is happy when he gets to spend his days using his hands, getting dirty and helping to make a car better.

I think the stress of these past few months has finally hit me and the tiredness of pregnancy has set in. Otherwise, I am feeling good and could not be more excited to meet this little guy or girl. Brenden always says "Who's in there?!?". It is such a mystery and miracle to think of a tiny person growing inside that will one day have a life full of joy and pain. Since being pregnant my maternal instincts have kicked in. There is a strange desire to do all I can for the baby, make sure it's safe, and worry about it's future or health. (FYI- stay away from obsessively reading on the internet- you'll just freak yourself out for no reason!)
All of these things are normal and yet I know that without God's grace and security He gives, I could not do it. It's just the beginning...

We are back home. Above is a little painting I did for my mom while sitting outside yesterday of her back porch. Next is a photo from a 7 week ultrasound- we could actually see that little blob's heart flickering! Then, a family photo from John's graduation and last, Suzanne and I on top of Blacktail Mountain- still a ton of snow!

Everything Must Come to an End

Since I have been posting all of my paintings I haven't been updating you all with what's been going on here in Montana. So, I'll give you a brief rundown of what's been happening with Brenden and I over the last few months.

We arrived here in mid- March to snow still on the ground and cold, cold rainy, windy weather. I think we had to remember we basically missed two months of winter by being in sunny Guatemala so we must pay our dues by not having a typical spring. In fact, not until last week has it become "warm" and "spring like". Thankfully though, it did eventually happen and the cherry trees are blooming!

Brenden has been working as a Mission Builder which is basically a full-time volunteer on the YWAM base. He spends 40 hours a week in their full-service auto shop doing anything from servicing the base's 15 passenger vans to changing oil to fixing someones brakes. Missionaries don't exactly have the best functioning cars so there is always a need! These past months have been such a blessing for him because he is actually doing what he loves full time. We were both curious to see how he'd still love mechanics after the "honeymoon stage" was over and I can honestly say that I've never met someone so excited and eager to do auto mechanics. Brenden would take it upon himself to help people out on the base by fixing their cars even on the weekends and evenings. Ultimately, we can say that he has definitely found his "calling" in life.

When I came out here I was originally going to work on base like Brenden, mosty in the cafeteria or housekeeping department. However, we were given the opportunity to stay in some friend's apartment while they were leading a team to Turkey. The timing worked out perfectly and so I was able to be an artist full time. Over these last months I have acquired quite a collection of paintings. I was amazed at myself how quickly I could work and how motivated I'd become when suddenly there was no other pressures from the outside. Not only have I been painting my brains out but I've had opportunities to use my gifts on the base. I got to teach a painting session to some current students and i've led worship on the base as well as at a local church. Not only have I been immersed in the music and art scene but I've been volunteering with a 3rd grade math class at Lakeside Elementary School once a week. I will have to say- it made me go home and relearn long division!! Also, I've been having a lot of fun working with a local youth group here in Lakeside. I've never worked with middle schoolers before so it's been quite an adventure to say the least. It's amazing though how God has just put me in these situations just because I've been willing. I seriously don't have tactics and skills and previous experience with some of this stuff and yet God has somehow used us in these kids lives!

As the end of May approaches we are nearer to the end of our time here. Originally Brenden and I were going to stay here in Montana for the summer. However, after a lot of thought and prayer we feel it's best that we head back to the east coast and kind of start our lives again. It was just about a year ago that we left our jobs at the schools in Cape Hatteras and started this crazy adventure. It has been one of the best years of our lives and we have so many memories and lessons learned. We are grateful and satisfied with this time of travel and exploration and getting to share all of this together. We will always look back on this time in our lives and say "remember when.."

Thanks to all of you who have helped us along the way. Your gifts, friendship, encouragement and support has kept us going this long! We look forward to seeing you back on the east coast!